Parenting lessons - our children are the best teachers

Every once in a while something happens that really knocks the air out of you. Usually, this is born out of an unpleasant, surprising, or devastating situation or experience. But it's not always bad - sometimes it's just pure love, an overwhelming sense of awe, or a happy surprise. About a month ago, my 6 year old completely took my breath away with her words. After I processed what she'd said and responded calmly, I sent her out to play and the tears came. These were not sad or hurt tears, but tears that resulted from complete, overwhelming, breathtaking love. I was so proud of her, so emotionally raw, so in love.

What did she say that caused such an enormous emotional reaction?

To set the stage, first you need to understand that Olivia is my mild-mannered child. She's calm, methodical, deeply caring, and sensitive. She doesn't do things in a big way, like her little sister. This isn't to say she doesn't do BIG things, she just doesn't do them in a big way; she's understated.

This particular day, she got up from the table where she had been working on her homework and approached me. I was sitting in the living room, laptop open, taking the opportunity to squeeze a few more minutes of work in while she was occupied.

"Mommy.."

I looked up, expecting some short, seemingly unimportant statement before shooing her off so I could keep working.

"Mommy, for my birthday - " Oh boy, I thought, here comes the laundry list, "- I'd like people to help drill a well for clean water."

I paused. For a long time. Where did this come from? As a social worker, I take advantage of teachable moments to try instill a sense of caring for others and our world in my girls, but I new, this had nothing to do with me or those lessons. I was so caught off-guard, I needed a moment to process before responding.

"What do you mean?" She had my full attention now.

She went on to explain that some people didn't have clean water and she wanted to help them have clean water. She had learned about this global issue at school that day - she attends an international bachelorette and Spanish magnet elementary. She continued by stating that she'd learned about another child who'd done this for her birthday and she wanted to do the same.

"You understand that if people do this for your birthday it will be instead of giving you birthday gifts, right?"

She nodded. She understood. And then, meekly, "well, maybe I can still get something small?"

Yes, sweet child. Yes, you can still have something small to open on your birthday.

The next few weeks were a whirlwind of research, information gathering, and setting up a gofundme site - continuously checking in with her that she was SURE this is what she wanted for her birthday. She was steadfast in her reply.

Through this process, Olivia has taught me so much - things I thought I already knew. She's opened a window into what it means to be selfless, at a time when children are developmentally self-centered. She's shown grace, love, sacrifice. I am humbled by her example and have been reminded that being a social worker is more than just getting a degree. It's looking for opportunities to serve others, lift communities, lighten the burden of others everyday, be it a small gesture or something on a larger scale.

We've partnered with a wonderful organization, Love One Another Project and are working to raise $7000 to drill a borehole (deeper than a well and therefore doesn't run dry) in Busega, Kampala Uganda. You can read all about it, see the faces of the individuals who will be impacted by Olivia's gift and donate directly on Olivia's gofundme site. Please consider supporting this selfless wish and help us spread the word through facebook, twitter, pinterest, etc. I would really appreciate it. Olivia would really appreciate it.

Sulfate Free Soap in 15 minutes

We decided over a year ago to limit our use of sulfates, especially in skin and hair care products. Why? Sulfates are harsh and drying and some say they're carcinogens (the evidence here is murky, at best). With dry skin and curly hair, the last thing I need is a harsh, drying ingredient in my soap & shampoo (more on that later).

At first, we bought sulfate free soap from the Farmer's Market, but with a price tag of $5 per bar, it wasn't sustainable. So, I set about doing some research and discovered just how easy it is to make your own soap. Off to the craft store we went to see what soap making supplies they carry. I was giddy to see glycerin soap, a small selection of scents, molds, and colorants. Everything I needed to get started, right? Wrong. Here's what I bought:

Craft Store Soap. Sulfate Free FAIL

 

I thought I was in the clear. I couldn't find any "ingredients" so took the "Glycerin Soap" at face value. I even made up a batch of the soap and tried it out, but something seemed off (i.e. my skin felt drier than it had when I was using the soap from the Farmer's Market). So, I read over the label again and found it....the smallest writing on the entire packaging that has, admittedly a lot of text. See it, there? I underlined the fine print, for your sake - sulfates x2.

 

Out of local options, I took to the internet. Enter Bulk Apothecary. They have a large selection of raw materials, including many options for sulfate free melt and pour glycerin soaps. Each of their items has a clear list of ingredients - be sure to read them. They do offer Crafter's Choice (the same brand you'll find in craft stores, like the one shown above), so be sure you're buying what you think you are by reading everything. They also have lots of nicely concentrated, yummy smelling scents.

 

Ok, so now you've got your supplies. How do you make the soap? Simple. Gather your supplies.

 



Pyrex measuring cup, glycerin soap (these are 1 lb bars), molds, colorants (optional), scents (optional), dropper, & rubbing alcohol. You can get most of this (except the sulfate free glycerin soap) at the craft store - don't forget those coupons!

Step 1: Cut the 1 lb glycerin bar. I cut it into 6ths. You don't *have* to cut it, but if you don't, it takes longer to melt and ends up hotter. Hotter glycerin means you stand a risk of burning off the scent, but even worse, of melting your molds (if you have the cheap plastic ones like I have). Trust me, melting your molds is a messy situation.

Step 2: Throw your pieces into a large pyrex measuring cup and put it into the microwave for 1.5 min. Swirl it around and nuke it for another 30 seconds or so. At this point, I prefer to just stir the melted glycerin until the last of it melts. (I might be afraid of melting another mold - maybe).

Step 3: Add you color, if you opt to color your soaps. I like to color them because I make a different scent for me, hubby, and the kids. Colors make it easier to differentiate without having to take the additional time to print up labels. Adding your coloring in first allows the glycerin to cool off a bit before adding the scent, thus minimizing the risk of burning off some of the scent before you even have a chance to lather up in the shower.

Isn't it pretty?

Step 4: Add your scent(s). Feel free to get creative here! The amount of scent you'll add depends on how concentrated it is and will require a little experimentation. I use about 10 drops of the scent I buy off of bulk apothecary and 20+ drops of some less concentrated scents that hubby bought online from another site. You can also use essential oils (I've done a citrus scented soap using my oils)

Step 5: Pour the melted, colored, and scented glycerin into your molds. Here is where using a measuring cup to melt your glycerin comes in handy! A 1 lb bar of glycerin almost perfectly fills a craft store mold of 4 bars. The mold will be brimming, and I tend to fill them to what appears full and then go back and top each of them off with the remainder.

Step 6: Spray with rubbing alcohol. This pops the bubbles that will have formed on top of the bars and make your bars pretty.

Step 7: Let it harden (1-2 hrs or so). Release the soap from the mold by turning over and pressing on the bars out of the mold.

Step 8: Let them cure overnight. This is probably not necessary, but I find it helps them harden. The next morning, you can wrap each of the bars in plastic wrap and store until needed. The plastic wrap will protect the bar from moisture while in storage.

Now, unwrap a bar, hop into the shower or bath, and lather up. Enjoy that fabulous scent while your skin screams thank you! Oh, and feel free to donate all of those expensive lotions - you're not going to be using them much anymore.

And, on a final note, let me reassure you about the lather in these soaps. A friend of mine was asking about them and said her hubby was a lather lover. One of the primary complaints of sulfate free is lack of lather. But, the soap from bulk apothecary contain a saponification agent, so they still lather nicely. Still hesitant? Let me demonstrate what clean up look like:

I don't think anyone will be complaining about lack of lather here, do you?

Car Travel with Young Kids: 5 Tips for Success

So, you've got young children and are looking down the barrel of a long, excruciating car ride?  Well, my husband and I just finished a cross country trip with a 7 month old, 2.5 year old, and an 80lb dog.  Along the way, we saw amazing sites, had more than one meltdown, and laughed lots.  By the end of the 11 day trip, we learned several lessons that I'll pass along to you in the hopes that you don't experience the same growing pains we experienced at the beginning of our trip.

1. Know When to Travel.  I know, I know, it sounds tempting to travel by moonlight.  The kids will sleep, so no entertaining or stops necessary.  But, stop and think it through for a minute.  Travelling at night means that, most likely, the driver is tired and not as well rested as they should be (yes, I'm being the safety police).  The kids, while sleeping, are not getting the same quality of sleep that they would get if they were in a bed.  So, come daylight, when you are dog tired from driving all night, and the kids are cranky from poor sleep, you've got yourself a recipe for major family meltdowns.  So, think about the personalities and needs of your children rather than letting yourself get woo'ed by the lure of nighttime travel.  What we discovered worked best was getting up early and hitting the road between 5 and 6am.  That way, we'd all gotten a good amount of restful sleep, and yet we had the benefit of sleepy children.  This allowed us to get through the first leg of driving (2-3 hrs) with sleeping children.  It was the best of both worlds!

2. Activities.  I know it sounds obvious, but seriously, OVER prepare on the activity front.  Everyone told us that we should just invest in a portable DVD player, but we have not introduced our toddler (and certainly not the baby) to the wonderful world of television and didn't want to break our own rules simply to make our lives a little easier for a few days.  So, instead, I packed a large bag of goodies for each child (since the ages vary so much).  In my toddlers back, I included lots of books (she can spend an hour happily flipping through her books), a piano, dolls, favorite stuffed animal, playdough, play computer, and other various toys and art supplies.  I was sure to include some favorites, some oldies (and forgotten goodies), and some new toys.  For the baby, well, I just grabbed up various teethers and infant toys that she hadn't played with much or really enjoyed.  When the toys failed to entertain, we'd sing or point things out on the road and talk about them (trains, trucks, broken down cars, cows, horses, etc).  One of Olivia's favorite activities now is to be quizzed on the color of the semis as we pass them.  So, put on your creativity hat - we discovered you could have a lengthy (albeit simple and repetitive) conversation with a toddler on just about any everyday "sight".

3. Breaks.  I know, I know, the destination is in sight.   You are planning a 6 hour road trip and hope to make it to your location in 5.5hrs flat.  But, let's be honest, children do not travel well and being cooped up in a car for hours on end is a recipe for disaster (or at least the loss of your sanity).  So, slow down and "enjoy" the ride.  We found this schedule worked best:

• Leave early and drive approx 2.5 hrs (kids sleep)
• Stop for breakfast
• Drive another 2.5 hrs (kids play)
• Stop for lunch/playtime
• Drive another 2.5 hrs (naptime!!)
• Take a snack break
• Finish out the day of travel (everyone is pretty done with travel and ready to get out of the car - this is the hardest part of the trip)

When we stopped, it was typically a 45-90 min stop.  We always ate at restaurants (or a park if we got lunch to go).  We discovered it worked best if we found a play area for the kids to run/crawl around during/after our lunch break.  That way, when we got back in the car, the kids were ready for nap and not nearly as restless.  While breaks add a lot of time to your overall drive day, believe me when I tell you, they make the drive sooo much easier.  We could usually get away with a 45 min stop for breakfast, then a 90 min stop for lunch (lunch and park play) and then a 30-45 min stop for a snack.

4. Know your Limits.  Only travel as long as you need in one sitting.  If you have a 12 hr drive ahead of you, seriously consider doing the drive in 2 days rather than 1.  We found that 6-8 hrs of "drive" time was fairly doable (this actually took us 8-11 hrs total with stops), but much longer than that got excruciating.  After about 6 hrs, everyone gets restless and whining, fights, and crying inevitably ensue.  Since we were going cross country and weren't on any time constraints, per se, we stopped and visited friends and family along the way.  We were able to work it out so that we didn't travel more than a couple of days in a row before taking a couple of days off.

5. Laugh it Off.  Its gonna suck.  You're going to have moments when everything is coming apart at the seams.  You are going to get more than a few grey hairs from the trip.  So, try to brush off the small things and laugh whenever you can.  Hey, you've gotta balance out those miserable moments with good memories.  Otherwise, you will never again want to get behind the wheel for a long drive with your kiddos and you'll end up tethered to your home because, let's face it, air travel with kids is equally painful and even more cramped.  So, sit back, throw out your expectations for arrival, and enjoy the scenery.